We Need a Gas Tax

Gas emissions are degrading the environment and generally making life miserable for people. Methane, hydrogen, sulfur, methanethiol, dimethyl sulfide and hydrogen sulfide are just a few of the byproducts released into the atmosphere each and every day by irresponsible people.

There is a growing sentiment that taxes should be used to curtail antisocial behavior, such as smoking or alcohol consumption. That being the case, we should start heavily taxing the causes of gas pollution ... vegetables!

One of the great unspoken truths is that vegetarians in general and vegans in particular are flatulent. Oh, they’ll deny it, just as the little girl with crumbs on her face will solemnly deny that she raided the cookie jar, despite empirical evidence to the contrary. Anyone who has spent any time around vegetarians knows this to be true.

I used to work at a newspaper where about half the staff were vegetarians. Our daily editorial budget meetings resembled the bean-eating scene in “Blazing Saddles.”

In particular, I remember our photo editor. The guy was a talented photographer with a keen eye and a wiz in the darkroom. He was also a strict vegan. I always knew when he entered a room because I could smell him. If my daily meetings with him were uncomfortable, the times I had to be in the tiny, enclosed darkroom with him were nightmares.

So, it’s time to take a stand against the planet-destroying practice of vegetarianism! We must urge our lawmakers to levy a “gas tax” on vegetables such as beans, peas, corn, cucumbers, green peppers, kohlrabi, onions and leeks, radishes, rutabaga and turnips and vegetarian restaurants before it’s too late!

You Might Be A Liberal If ...

I wish I could claim credit for this, but it’s originally from “Acrimony,” a blogger in the Palm Springs, Calif., area. He really hit the nail on the head.

You might be a liberal if...


You hate Fox News because its biased, and wish there were a liberal channel just to make it fair.

You know Medicare is losing billions, and you want EVERYONE in America to have it.

You think meat is bad for you, but are convinced of marijuana’s health benefits.

You wear a ribbon to fight disease.

You think marriage is an outdated institution, except for gays.

You believe free enterprise is the cause of poverty.

You love helping the poor with other people’s tax dollars.

You are convinced we need to follow the lead of Canada and Europe to make America great.

You ever said, &$147;That Maxine Waters is pretty bright.”

You support limits on carbon emissions but oppose carbon-free nuclear power plants.

You want to ban Wal-Mart but want more marijuana dispensaries.

You believe California is really Mexican territory anyway.

You think ACORN rallies are patriotic, but tea parties are racist.

You still think Obama is doing a great job.

You, too, get a thrill up your leg.

You think Keith Olbermann is a solid journalist.

You are certain anyone with more money than you must have obtained it dishonestly.

You think Barney Frank is kinda cute because he talks like Sylvester the Cat (“Sufferin’ Succotash”).

You are convinced people who die owe their estate to the government, not their families.

You would live in a tree to save it, but you fully support abortion.

You abhor racial stereotypes, but think the NRA is mostly a bunch of ignorant, white rednecks.

You supported the Million Man March, but think town hall protesters are un-American.

You really believe Obama never heard anything controversial in church.

You are very troubled by how we are viewed by the French.

You champion freedom of the arts but want to ban nativity scenes.

You are one of the dozens of people who still watch MSNBC.

‘It Ain’t [America] No More’

Remember when dissent was the highest form of patriotism? Well, Reston, Va., School Security Officer Wesley Cheeks doesn’t. He told a man to take down his sign at a political rally because it had a picture on it.




What was the picture the officer found so offensive?

Looks like another case of Joker Derangement Syndrome.

Obamacare: The Musical!

Coming soon to a theater near you!

Hitler on Obama

If Hitler had known Obama...

Obama’s Beer Summit

Well, I have to hand it to President Obama, getting two such diverse men as Professor Henry Gates and police Sgt. James Crowley to sit down over a beer and discuss ways of resolving their differences (even if Joe Biden did crash the party).

This leads me to think that perhaps the leader of the Free World just may be on to something. Just imagine...

Michelle Malkin Stomps ‘The View’

Conservative columnist and author Michelle Malkin braved the lions’ den of “The View” today to discuss her new book, "Culture of Corruption." Malkin made mincemeat out of Joy Behar and Whoopi Goldberg, who admitted they hadn't read the book.

Behar and Goldberg should stick to comedy. At least they know something about that.